It was a 'relationship' for Pete's sake,
But I always aimed at being politically correct,
Silence should have never been an option when you projected your fears and insecurities on me,
All the times you painted me as Hades to get away with your trashy treatment
I had fears and insecurities too , you know?
Yes you did
And just when I began to lower my guard, you attacked
Acting and saying stuff to demonize me
But what an artist you were
Picasso had nothing on you
I saw myself in this portrait of mine you had in your head
And for a second I believed it was me,
Because it looked so much like the girl I tried to run away from all the time
You took pieces of me that I let you have, carved a sword out of it and stabbed me right in my heart
Even when I was on my knees because of the brunt of your betrayal, you managed to make me feel like it was somehow my fault
That I had pushed you to loving another
I made excuses for you
All my prayers began with 'forgive me Lord'
And ended with 'bless them'
But oh if I had allowed myself to get angry and vented
If I had clawed walls and howled till my throat became sore
If I had cried till I had tears no more
If I wasn't so scared of breaking and losing pieces of myself
If I had not insisted on being the bigger person
If I had hated you, even for a second
Then maybe I would have began to heal
Maybe I wouldn't be plagued by flashbacks that claw at my heart till I can't breath
Oh but only if I allowed myself to be mad!